I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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