Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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