She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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