I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nutella sex= disaster
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
