My nipple is on Facebook.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
