Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
