i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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