You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
