if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
