Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't deserve a penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
