you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
