If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
