I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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