i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
