I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
