I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
