Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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