Where did you get a picture of my penis
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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