pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
