is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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