I met the friendliest cop last night
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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