1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
