I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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