I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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