You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
