I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
