sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize