spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
