I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
