Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
