And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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