I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
