My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize