Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
