I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
whose ass print is on the piano?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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