Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
