I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize