1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
