what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
