Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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