So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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