you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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