it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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