I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
