Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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