I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
