paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
