and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
