Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
