Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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