your thong is hanging out like whoa
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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