roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
