What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
