oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
