PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
