well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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