I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
