The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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