WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize