I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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