I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
