i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
