when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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