Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
