I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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