The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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