I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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