He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
