doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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