Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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