U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
