If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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