Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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