i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
