I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize