It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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