woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
