Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
