dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
